How to be an Ugly American Without Leaving Your Hostel

1. At a very full hostel, with conversation flowing at over ten packed tables, talk so loudly that your voice carries over the entire place.

2. Be sure to talk about money. Drop a comment about how much money you make, how expensive your apartment is, or the latest and greatest stock tips you have.

3. Tell the girl at your table who speaks English with a different accent than yours that she must be British. When she tells you that she’s German, make a big surprised face and say that well, you could tell that she wasn’t American (as though Americans and Brits are the only people who speak English).

4. Make really bombastic comments that show just how ignorant you are. For example: “The poorest people in the world live in America. Seriously. I mean just check out Harlem.”

5. Throw in a crude comment or two. A good one would be: “Staying in hostels is like a total Catch 22. You meet so many girls. It’s awesome. But at the same time you don’t have any privacy. Argh. What are you to do?”

6. Declare that there’s just no way to blend in as an American so why try. Then continue to be the loud, ignorant, obnoxious American that so many people expect us to be but that so few of us actually are. Someone’s got to keep the stereotype alive after all. Someone’s got to make the rest of us step up our game as we try to prove the stereotype wrong again and again and again.

6 Replies to “How to be an Ugly American Without Leaving Your Hostel”

  1. 7.Make sure you compare everything else back to America. “In the US, you would never see that. In the US, we do it totally different. That’s not the way we would make it in the States.” etc etc

  2. Don’t forget complete disregard for the fact that you are outside the US. “Hey, you don’t speak English?? Well what about you, do you speak English? Why doesn’t this store have peanut butter? Hey can you make my pizza with these twelve different vegetables than those on the menu?”

    UUUUGH. Why oh why can’t we collectively get a life.

  3. Dawn, I agree that it’s a very American trait to compare everything back to America. When in America, people just compare everything back to themselves.

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