This past week I’ve been moving phone numbers from my cell phone into a spreadsheet, so that when it comes time to get rid of the phone I still know how to get in touch with family and friends. Isn’t it amazing how dependent we’ve become on cell phones? Though I’ve only had a cell phone for four years, I think without it, I could call no more than four people.
Anyhow, as I’ve entered the names and numbers into my spreadsheet, I’ve also added in addresses (should I ever find myself wanting to send one of those old-fashioned postcards), and as I’ve done this I’ve been astounded by how much of the globe my friends span. I’ve got people everywhere it seems. On the one hand, I find this extremely cool. On the other hand, I find it so insanely frustrating.
I’m lucky, I know, to have lived in and traveled to so many different places. I’m even more fortunate to have walked away from these experiences with new friendships, especially since I’m not the type of person who makes friends easily. I am often reticent when I meet people. I observe instead of jump in. I dread small talk. I can usually tell quickly whether or not I will get along with someone, and I rarely waste time on someone I don’t think I will connect with. I won’t call you my friend just because we went to the same school, played on the same team, rode the same bus, or came from the same town. I’m the type that would rather have a very small group of close friends than a large group of more nebulous friends. When I walked away from college, from a study abroad year, from teaching in Athens, I added not dozens of phone numbers to my book, but just a small handful. There are no names on my phone list that I can’t place. There are only friends, very, very good friends.
I like it that way.
But I hate it too. Because that means when it’s time to go, I’m not just leaving behind people who were a good time while they were around; I’m leaving behind people I care about. They are people I want to be able to see on a whim, talk to whenever I feel like it. People I want to go with to happy hour, dinner, the movies, pub quiz, the market. People I want to be able to sit on a couch next to and talk to until it’s too late to go home. People I want to have be a part of my every day, regular ol’, plain Jane life.
But when you meet your friends on some random patch of earth that you’re only sharing for a brief blink in each of your lives, it doesn’t work that way. Instead you have to settle for phone calls that are too infrequent, too rushed, too distant; and for visits that are too rare and too short. You don’t get “hey you want to come over for dinner tonight,” but instead must work with “do you have anything on your calendar for the third weekend in August, because I might be able to come see you then.” You measure time since you hung out in years, rather than days, and you spend most of your friendship missing each other.
It sucks. But it’s a fact of life for those of us born with itchy feet, and as far as I can tell, there’s nothing to be done about it. No matter how much I scheme, I’ll never convince all the people I care about to settle in the same place. And though in my mind, nothing sounds more ideal, I know in reality that it would be less so. We’re all marching to our own drummer; we’re all searching for own tomorrow. So I guess instead of lamenting, I’ll just give thanks for that small moment when we heard the same tune…and for email, cell phones, and those third weekends in August every other year.
10 Replies to “I’ve Got Friends in Low (and High, and Near, and Far) Places”
how about get a satellite phone already?!
This is also the saddess blog that I’ve ever read. Call me on Tuesday!
I miss you Thee!
I looked at Greece pictures last night and was already missing you and Despina, and now look what you went and did.
I still can’t believe what good luck I had meeting you two. And I know when the three of us see each other next we won’t skip a beat.
You are an absolute pleasure to read. Beautifully articulate. I’ll buy your book. 🙂
I know how you feel. Every time we move I feel like we’re lucky if I’ve got even one friend in the area. For a little while there I had quite a few friends in the D.C. area and was hoping to go there, but now you and a couple others are leaving. In my dream world everyone I love would live in the same place… on the other hand, the more places you have friends the better the chance you’ll know someone the next time you travel for a business trip or something like that. And it’s always cool to have a friend that’s local to a place you’re unfamiliar with to show you around or suggest a great pizza place for lunch 😉
I am like you Theresa, not many friends, but a few very very good friends, which I actually thought were much more before I left.
During the first week away, I realized who were my real true friends, and they still are, more than one year later and so far away.. just the same as they used to be. And you know what? This is what friendship is about.. doesn’t matter the distance or if it’s midnight here while it’s midday there.
Even if you don’t talk to each other often, you know you can count on this friend, and if this friend lives in several different continents, lucky you! =)
You just have to be online… I love my laptop with wireless connection!
You’d be shocked at the extent that Theresa doesn’t even like family members.
“I rarely waste time on someone I donâ€™t think I will connect with”
That explains why we talk so rarely.
Matthew, quit spreading lies! I like all of my family…usually. 🙂
Theresa, I don’t know how I stumbled upon your blog, but I did, and I am especially glad to have read this particular posting. I have moved a lot since graduating SHA (not internationally, like you) and I have also learned that time is much better spent with the few who are truly great friends. Quality over quantity, as they say. I can commiserate with you on the difficulty in having friends all over the country/world; you rarely see them and don’t communicate often enough. But what I have found with these friendships is that they stay strong regardless of the 6+ months between phone calls. By the way, if you’re ever in Los Angeles…. 🙂
I agree, there’s something about real honest-to-god friendship that makes you wish those people were around more but alas dreams and schemes get in the way…
good friends are those that will come pick you up at the airport at 1 in the morning because your flight got canceled, even though they have to call triple a to jump their car first.
you are a ggggggreaaaaaaaat friend theresa. i will miss you dearly & our random conversations while you are away on this trip- but i couldn’t be happier for you & jeff. i know that when you get back we’ll meet at heine brothers to talk about your adventures 🙂